Saturday, 5 October 2013

Liane’s secret

Liane is a very bright woman. She has a stable position and is very competent at what she does. Her friends find her incredibly interesting and hard-working at the same time. Liane is not vulnerable, she is strong and professional. But she has a secret: Liane is in an abusive relationship.

Her husband beats her up and she cries a lot, wishing the pain would stop. The next day, at work, when people ask why she has marks all over her body, she lies. Liane is ashamed. Even though she is a very powerful woman, she cannot find the strength to denounce her husband. She loves him. He is what she has, without him her family would be apart.

After her husband beats her up, he apologizes and she believes he is trying to change his behavior. Liane is scared of him. She cannot go out with her friends or work with male colleagues: he is very jealous. But it is love. She cannot break the marriage up just because of some arguments they’ve had.

If you know somebody at the same situation as Liane, talk to them. These women might only need someone to talk to at first, so that they can come forward to the authorities. Domestic violence doesn’t end when the husband apologizes. In fact, it is very likely that the hurtful behavior appears again.

These attitudes can destroy a relationship if not treated correctly by the authorities. There are also centers that focus on dealing with the aggressiveness of these women’s male partners. Most of the times, these women are left feeling insecure and blame themselves for being beaten up. They try to hide the fact because they feel ashamed or afraid. These women live in fear. There is nothing slightly interesting or exciting about living in terror.

The correct step is to talk to the victim or to those who are close to her, in order to facilitate the process of seeking help. Do that if not for the sake of the relationship than for the victim’s life. Many times the violence has gone too far, and the husband feels like the owner of the victim’s life. Sometimes, after she has had the strength to come clean about the aggressions, the male partner ends up killing the victim just because he is used to violating her wishes and treating her badly. Domestic violence is a sign that the male partner can do more and harm the victim’s life in a more permanent manner.  

Abuse relationships are quite common, but the victim tends to deny she is in a typical harmful position because she loves her partner and doesn’t believe that he is aggressive and needs treatment.  Domestic violence is not the victim’s fault. It is important to mention that it can also happen in lesbian relationships, in which the aggressor threats to tell the woman’s family about her homosexuality.

Regardless of the gender, any kind of aggression is harmful if not physically, than psychologically to the victim’s life. Don’t pretend you haven’t seen the signs! Don’t connive with violence and abuse!

I know Liane personally, but I am sure that you also know someone who resembles her. Help the many Lianes who are chained by the sufferings of an abusive relationship!! Take a stand!!!

Gabriela Isa Rosendo Vieira Campos

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