Every day in the morning when I put down my foot from bed, I think of the pain the day has to offer. I get drenched with fear! Suffering is not just physical but mental and psychological too. I end my day by throwing my pain-stricken body in the arms of silence sighing at the dismissal of the dusk. I pray to God to end the game as I don’t wish to be the lame. I am striving for drops of happiness. World is full of suffering is not new but everyday suffering has its new name. I gather bits of courage on regular basis to sustain life.
I am a CANCER patient struggling for existence. My disease is at end stage. The treatment has its own pain. I used to be a beloved child of my parents but poverty has a bigger role to play. My poor parents had to disown me owing to deteriorating health. They didn’t have money to continue my treatment. I don’t blame them as I know it wasn’t easy for them. They have to spend on the upbringing of 5 children including 4 boys, larger than picture size poor families. One can never end this gender game. My brothers were always more precious. If that was less then I was being harassed by a hospital staff few days back. At night, he caught hold of me. I was yelling and trying to run away. Thankfully a doctor came up. Unfortunately, they had hid the story to save the hospital’s reputation.
I am admitted into a hospital where there is no one to think about me. I am just a diseased body for them. I don’t know the future. Every day when I look into the mirror, I stare at my losing hair from scalp and eyebrows. I miss those days when I used to cuddle with my long brown hair. I might not see them again. I see people lying on fellow beds. I can sense their misery but it’s all in vain. After all, we are sailing in the same boat.
I don’t want any other girl to feel this pain. I wish in near future few care centers could be established where people would actually be interested in the welfare of patients. Medical services especially for life taking diseases become freely available to all without any barriers even in villages. I also wish that cure of these dreadful ailments is discovered through research. World shall be a happy place what if it isn’t now for me but it will be.
- Written by Dr Aakshi Kalra