I had the usual numb feeling as I read a post about a wife whose husband violently decimated her with a hot iron to burn her skin and screw driver to peel off the flesh because he suspected her of sleeping with his father. The picture of how he physically disfigured her was so grotesque. I can’t imagine that kind of violence happening to me, my daughter or anyone I know.
The woman’s profile fits most battered women. She ignored the signs and hoped her husband would change his ways one day. So she stayed on and suffered quietly. But his ways only worsened. And the neighbors? They’ve heard the same shouts for help just one too many...and it was “a private matter.” By the time the neighbors decided the sounds were too violent and called the police, the woman was badly burned and was comatose when rushed to the hospital.
The woman had left her small business to be with him only to suffer the physical abuses from him. She became totally dependent on him for everything that she became helpless and unable to walk away because she had nothing to begin her life with again.
When does one walk away from all the violence? The first slap? The second? When he stops giving money for the basic needs of the family because he spends them for drinking and smoking and gives a slap or two instead? I’m no psychologist or marriage counselor. But I certainly know that I need not wait for the time when my partner raises his hands on me every time an argument ensues. Regular verbal abuse alone can itself be torment for some.
Every person dreams of having a successful marriage or relationship. And we try to hold on to the relationship, closing our eyes to the realities hoping things will get better and work out one day. Some are lucky because they do get better and work out in the end. And some...some end up like the woman battered physically and emotionally.
Being independent and capable of standing on your own without financial support from anyone else is a big factor. One’s courage and self-worth are lifted because no one else has the power over you to dictate things because you rely on them for your survival. I can say this from my own personal experience. I have always been financially independent and able to support myself and my kids with or without my husband’s support. It gives me the emotional and psychological courage to stand up for my right as an individual. I feel empowered with that independence. Co-dependence between partners for purely romantic reasons is of course another aspect of maintaining a good relationship and should not be disregarded. It’s when the other factors of a good relationship are violated that one has to be guarded and able to defend oneself from abuse.And when the violent signs are there...verbal or physical and they get worse every time, WALK AWAY..WALK AWAY
By Lylin Aguas