Saturday, 19 May 2012

How can I confront domestic violence?

A lot of situations, concepts or attitudes have been the basis for the avoidance or denial of domestic violence: some people see it as an inevitable or a normal situation, some others think that it is not a big problem and most people try to ignore the aggression.

First, it is important to remember that domestic violence is not only physical or sexual abuse. Probably the most difficult to identify, but the most common, is physiological aggression. Also it is important to distinguish between discipline and violence because some people use the discipline as an excuse to be aggressive and violent with children and other members of the family, like you.

Second, look for the signals, in physical or sexual abuse. Most of the times it is easy to identify violence, but you can identify the symptoms of physiological violence by answering these questions:

  • Are your feelings ignored?
  • Does your spouse ridicule what is most valuable for you? (Like your beliefs, abilities, age)
  • Does your spouse or family ridicule or insult you for your language, social status, religion or race?
  • Do you feel humiliate in public when you are with your spouse or relative?
  • Does your spouse or family disapprove all that you do?
  • Is it true that your spouse frequently says that he is going to leave you?
  • Do you feel control at home all the time? (With the money or some other things)
  • Is the voice of this person aggressive with you, the kids and the pets?

If your answer was “Yes” for two or more issues, you are a victim of physiological violence and this could be worst with the time because the aggressor is going to be more and more violent.

If you are not sure about the abuse you can talk with friends or relatives very close and confidence with you. If you decide to do this, you should be prepared to listen that you don’t want because the most of the time you have a strong link or dependence with your aggressor.

Try to encourage and believe in yourself to understand that you are a good person and you don´t deserve this treatment.

If you have economical dependence with your aggressor find a job and open a bank account to have savings in case that you need to leave your home. Also be prepared with phone numbers and a place to arrive. Friends and family can help you with this.

Remember yourself that you have the right to live free of abuse.

How do you know if you need help?
  • You have doubts and believe that you are crazy.
  • You have fear of your couple and you prefer not to have opinions.
  • You take the time to review the mood of your couple before to talk.
  • You need to ask your couple for spend money, take courses or go out with friends.
  • You feel sad and don´t believe in your abilities.
  • You discover a change in your kid’s behavior like bad results in school, aggressive reactions or nightmares.

If you discover that you need help, the first step is to accept that you are being abused and denounce the abuse to a protection organism, look for professional help like lawyers and physiologists for you and the other victims of the aggressor and finally be brave and leave the aggressor.

I hope this information will be useful for you and all the women around the world.

Based on:

How to face domestic violence:
The physiological abuse:
How to help a domestic abuse victim:

By Claudia Fierro

1 comment:

  1. It is also important to acknowledge that the most dangerous time for a woman who is in an abusive relationship is when she decides to leave. A safety plan should be in place before taking action. Courage is important but many other components affect a woman's decision to leave. On average, it takes 7 tries before she is able to leave.