I´m a Princess

Today I saw the results of a study made for the Washington University and Bill´s and Melinda´s Gates foundation, about Charge of Diseases and it was surprising for me, because the highest cause of dead in Colombia after VIH, what is scary too, is the violence against women, especially into the couples.

The study affirms that violence is the main cause of dead in women between 15 and 29 years, the most productive ages, and off course this is a premature dead. Actually, the most of the countries in Latin America are living the same situation.

For the last year, I have been focused in fight against this situations, giving encourage for the women of our blog and also giving some tips to take the decision of abandon a live in pain.

Nevertheless, today I´m feeling that we need to do more and I believe that education is a good way to win this fight. If we teach values and respect to our children since the earliest education, we can give a better and quiet life to our girls.

I also believe than we can empower the girls with a high self-esteem and the conviction to be powerful and ask for respect at home and at every place where they should confront violence. That´s the reason because I want to recommend this video, the new definition of princess for Disney: empowering girls. I applaud this initiative and invite all our readers to be princess and teach your girls how to be one of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUGnu0gXtn4

Source:

http://www.eltiempo.com/vida-de-hoy/salud/sida-violencia-intrafamiliar-y-mortalidad-en-colombia_12653164-4

Been abused is more than being hit

November 25 was the International Day for the elimination of Violence Against Woman and precisely on that day I realized that you don't need to be hit or raped to be a victim, and I understand this because I heard a man yelling his little baby and I also heard the painful crying of this baby. I actually told my husband: "Poor baby, he didn't deserves this kind of mistreatment he is so tiny and defenseless".

The man was screaming, "be quiet" to the baby very loudly. They are my neighbors in the upper apartment and I could hear him from my place. Of course, the little baby was crying and crying for about two hours.

I actually don't know the situation of this family, and why this father is screaming to the baby, but what I know is that I can feel the pain of the baby for his constant crying. I also know that this is a mistreatment situation from the verbal fights of the couple.

Actually it is a bidirectional mistreatment because is a kind of war about who is screaming higher and who is hurting more. I don't understand how people can accept a life in these conditions, how people can't respect the couple and child and how people can be so offensive.

I don't want a life like this, that's the reason because I'm sharing my experience, this is an alert that every person should thing about. How am I expressing myself in front of my family? How I'm building a healthy relationship with my couple? How is the treatment that I give to my children? Am I acting in the right way or is something that I could fix?

I only wanted to leave this little reflection for every person who loves to have a wonderful family life and don't want to lose it.
By Claudia Fierro

The courage to leave a life in pain

Recently I was waiting for an appointment with my Nutritionist in my medical services and I saw a mom with her little children waiting for his Pediatrician. She looked very bad, with a big bruise around the eye and the eye full of blood.

Obviously she was an abuse victim and in that moment I wanted to help her. I actually asked to the receptionist if they couldn´t do anything for her through the medical service. The answer: If she didn´t denounce the abuse, we can´t help her because is a privacy violation and you can be punished by the law.

I was trying to understand why women are so complacent and resist abuse in silence. Maybe because of fear, or the kind of abuse or persecution, because of love, because of the kids - but nobody deserves a life in pain. I felt the need to write again about courage.

I want to invite all abused women to take a moment of reflection on their lives. Think how wonderful is life and how many beautiful opportunities we have to live with people who really love us and don´t want to hurt us.

I´m sure that is a difficult decision to think in abandon the person who you love, but you need to be strong and leave the abuse situation because the reality is that you are in danger, and your kids are, too. Life is too special to risk it for stay in this kind of situations.

You can look for counsel and help about the best way to take the decision, go to an specialist, make a plan with your family, look for a lawyer. If you haven´t any money you can find a lot of foundations and institutions that can help you. Please don´t let the abuse happen anymore. I encourage you to gift your live with a relief and a better life situation.
Please take the decision right now.

By Claudia Fierro

Child abuse is more than a bruise

The behaviour of a baby that doesn´t speak yet tell us more than a thousand words. Learn to listen it and take measures on time.

The first childhood abuse is a special care problem because a baby is defenseless and can´t communicate effectively what´s happen or his fears. For that reason we should read the warning signs to identify an abuse situation on time. This issue goes further, because a baby receives mistreatment also when he is exposed to screaming, insults, shakes, aggressive, or indifference from the carer. The neglectful treatment and abandonment are also abuse forms.

A baby can´t speak but…

These are some signals of mistreatment in a child. If a baby...

• Shows fear, anguish or extreme reactions when he is going to see the carer.
• Presents bruises, ecchymosis (yellow marks) or hit signals.
• Is demanding excessive attention of the parents.
• Loses his appetite.
• Has troubles sleeping or wants to sleep all the time.
• Has genital pain.
• Presents urinary tract infections.
• Suffers diarrhoea or inexplicable fever.
• Presents wounds or indents in the genital area; in this cases we need to find help immediately.

How can you avoid this situation?

• The kid needs adequate and lovely corporal contact and lovely speaking.
• The abuse could be more frequent in unwanted pregnancy or when the mother is too young, because the baby is seen as a hindrance. In these cases the grandparents and uncles should be in constant observation.
• The abuser could be another child like brother or sister, in this case is important to work to eliminate the jealousy.
• You can install cameras without notification to the carer.
• Training carers and parents in child development, no violent discipline methods and capacity problems solution,

Translated by Claudia Fierro, of the article: El maltrato infantile es más que un moretón. Font: ElEspectador.com (http://www.elespectador.com/revistas/bebe/articulo-357769-el-maltrato-%E2%80%A9infantil-mas-%E2%80%A9un-moreton)

Another kind of discrimination

The recent two weeks in Colombia, my country, exploded a tremendous scandal because a renowned journalist wrote an article about the advantages of being a fat woman in a very humiliating way, saying things like a fat woman is a big couch-hugging man along side other offensive expressions that maddened as many as 3.000 women who let their anger surface through social media.

It made me think about the kinds of discrimination and how easy it is to offend and hurt people, and also how carefully should we be when we are writers. Unfortunately the journalist had been criticized and treated for the offended women are naive and ignorant and the media that published this article is begging pardon from the Colombian readers.

Suddenly when I was concentrating on the scandal, another journalist known for his critical position about the world, wrote asking why the people in our country were spending energies in this superficial scandal when 417 women died in Colombia in a violent way in the first part of 2012. This quote broke my heart and questioned me because when we live in a country where we hear about death on all days we didn´t stop to think how cruel this reality is and how unfair life is.

That’s the reason why I decided to write this post, because I feel that we need to be the voice of the victimized women who are not here anymore to fight for the end of violence. I want to clarify that I´m not justifying the act of the journalist against fat women, I think it is cruel and also unfair, but I also think that the real reason to protest and be angry is the violence against women.

I should confess that the people in this country sometimes have reaction about this kind of crimes, recently one woman died after being raped and tortured in a park and the people organized a protest, but our fight needs to be stronger and decisive because this kind of abuses cannot continue.

I guess this is a start, but I´m going to look for another ways to contribute to this cause. From now, I expect to start creating conscience about the importance of being worry about the violence against women.

By Claudia Fierro

This is the article to question me about violence:

http://www.eltiempo.com/opinion/columnistas/ponchorentera/maltrataron-a-la-azcrate-poncho-rentera-columnista-el-tiempo_12019041-4

How do you identify if your son is the aggressor or bully in a bullying situation?

There are a lot of signals or behaviors to identify in a bully. But the most important of the lot is when you are starting to recognize this in your children, you should understand that you can modify this behavior with some help.

These are some examples to identify if your kid is acting as a bully:

1. He tries to dominate in a negative way all the people surrounding him (friends, brothers and sisters and another relatives).
2. He has troubles in communicating his desires.
3. He is aggressive, impulsive or intolerant.
4. He likes to have the control of situations and have power.
5. He doesn’t like to lose in games.
6. He is the most popular at the school and likes to generate envy to other kids.
7. He doesn’t have empathy for other people, and for that reason he doesn´t feel bad about the sufferance of the victim.
8. He arrives at home with new toys or elements and said that they were gifts.
9. He has bad results at school.
10. Be alert in the age that your kid is starting to use Internet, because this is a new kind of bulling based on social status, appearance and others. Review if your child has a fake account in Facebook or twitter.
11. Sometimes the teachers tell you that your son is trying to intimidate the other kids or having troubles at school.

To identify a bully, it is very important to have constant communication and pay attention to your kids, because most of the times bullies are lonely kids with bad communication with the family or bad treatment at home.  

How to help a bully

The most important is stopping the aggressive behavior by understanding the needs and motivations behind the behavior of the bully and have help from the school and in some cases from a specialist.

These are some steps to help:

• Talk with a Psychologist or another counselor at school to receive a guide to deal with this kind of kids and also prepare a profile of your kid that help you to identify the kind of aggressor and find the best way to help. Sometimes these cases require  Psychiatric help.
• Be careful with the treatment that you give to your kid at home, if you use verbal or physical aggression with him or her, is possible a cause to be a bully.
• All the time be effective and have physical contact (hugs and love demonstration) to make them feel love and important.
• Have a behavior rules list at home to avoid bad behavior and guide the kids for the best way without punishment.
• Be an example to your kids, if you are angry all the time, have bad verbal fights with your couple and say bad words, don´t expect good behavior from your kids.
• Teach kids how to face the problems in effective ways without aggression.
• Teach values at home and remember them that always exist a pacific way to solve conflicts.

I know this information will be very useful for you as a parent, don´t be scared to use it. Identify if you have a bully at home, think that helping your kid you are protecting him or her from a worst future and you are also protecting other kids.

By Claudia Fierro Lopez

Sources

¿Cómo identificar si tu hijo es el bully o intimidador?  (How to identify if your son is the aggressor or bully) http://www.terra.com.mx/mujer/articulo/1093112/Como+identificar+si+tu+hijo+es+el+bully+o+intimidador.htm

Perfil del niño bully (Profile of a bully child)
http://padresexpertos.com/blog/?p=2077

Niños Maltratados: futuros bully o agresores (A mistreat kid could be a future bully) http://padresexpertos.com/blog/?p=1609

Protect your kids from bullying

Yesterday I was watching an old episode of a television show called “Extreme Makeover Home Edition.” They were helping a family with a cruel history: one of their children committed suicide because he was a bullying victim.

After saw this program I considered it a responsibility on my part to talk about bulling in a post. I am going to start with the definition of bullying. It refers to any kind of abuse (physical or verbal) against boys and girls in scholar age, usually this abuse is constant and worst with the time and occurs into the school or outside, sometimes into the neighborhood.

The aggressor uses any excuse to mock of the victim with nicknames, insults, ridiculing the behavior, stolen the food and also with physical aggression as knocks, kicks, pinches and others. Usually the victims are intimidated and this is the principal reason because nobody knows their situation.

As a mother, father, brother or sister, it is your responsibility to stay alert and ask constantly about the situation at school and with friends. These are six ways to identify if your kid is victim of bullying. Look to see:

• If your kid doesn´t want to go to school and constantly invents illness to avoid school.
• If he suffers vomiting, stomach pain or headache and also if he presents bruises.
• If you see a change of behavior in the kid (mood swings, crying, sadness and nightmares or lack of appetite)
• If he is constantly losing things or breaking things.
• If he doesn´t want to see his friends and prefers to be alone at home.
• If he is having bad results at school.

What can you do if your kid is a bullying victim?

• Give him or her support and love.
• Talk with the teacher and authorities of the school.
• Try to have more information talking with teachers, friends and parents.
• Ask the school for help and intervention.
• Look for the best way to protect your kid.
• Evaluate the child with professional help. If necessary have a meeting with a specialist.

The most important thing is to protect your kid and change the situation, is also important consider, in other cases, if your son could be an aggressor or a quiet witness and take action about this.

Sources:

Víctima o victimario: roles del acoso escolar (Victim or aggressor: roles of bullying):
http://www.ahorasi.com/victima-o-victimario-roles-del-acoso-escolar/


6 señales para saber si tu hijo sufre bullying (6 signs to know if your son if a bullying victim): http://mx.noticias.yahoo.com/6-señales-para-saber-si-tu-hijo-sufre-bullying-.html

How to help an abused kid and prevent the children mistreatment

The first step is being alert to identify this cases and denounce them, especially if you are teacher, working parent or guardian that suspects about mistreatment against child. Sometime a psychologist or lawyer can guide you to find help for the family in troubles.

It is important to guide the family to have therapy and to call the police when the abuse happens, because abuse is a crime. If your familiar is being abused you should protect he or she staying present all the time, never leaving the kid alone with the aggressor and trying to speak fast about this with a psychologist or social assistance.

If the kid is hurt leave him to a hospital and denounce the aggressor there with social assistance. Be secure to have power over the kid because the attacker can accuse you back and you can be in troubles. To be secure call a parent if you are a teacher or a nanny and call another familiar if the abuser is the parent.

If you are teacher you also can promote spaces to talk about violence against kids with the parents and other families and even the kids. It is important to give them acknowledge about human rights and children rights.

Sources:
http://www.slideshare.net/jjweb/exposicion-maltrato-infantil


By Claudia Fierro

How to identify violence against children

They are two kinds of situations when the children are victims of violence: when they see the violence against their mother, and this affects them emotional, behavioral and academically, or when they are victims of the aggressor themselves.

There exist different kinds of child abuse: physical, sexual, emotional and abandon.

To identify physical violence is important to be alert about:

• Bruises, burns or scars in the skin of the child.
• Broke or dislocated bones.
• The kid is scared about the parents and don´t want to go home after school.
• The kid affirms that the parents or guardian hurt him or her.
• The kid is afraid when an adult is near him.

It is important to see if the parents or other guardian can´t explain the kid injuries, if they affirm that the child is bad or use extreme discipline against him or her.

To identify sexual violence, here is what you should look for:

• The kid might have pains in genitals.
• Have difficulty in walking or sitting.
• Doesn't want to change clothes in the gym or doesn´t want to practice sports.
• He or she wet's the bed.
• She or he knows more than common about sex.
• Loses appetite.
• Girls get pregnant or have a venereal disease before they are14 years old.
• Leaves home.
• Affirms that he is victim of abuse from the parents or an adult guardian.

It is important to identify if the parent or adult is overprotecting the kid or limiting the contact with other kids (specially the opposite sex), if is jealous with other members of the family, is mysterious or lonely.

To identify emotional violence observe if the kid:

• Have behavioral changes suddenly: go to passivity to aggression, to calm to hysteric.
• His or her behavior is like an adult, for example: taking care of other child.
• His or her behavior is very childlike: hit his or her head.
• Have a slow emotional or physical development.
• Try to commit suicide.

Also the adult o parent in charge accused or humiliates the kid constantly, reject the kid openly or don´t want to accept the kid problems.

Finally to identify abandon is important to see if the kid

• Is absent to the school frequently.
• Is asking for money or food or thief this.
• Is dirty and smelling.
• Don´t have enough clothes to protect him or herself to the weather.
• Looks ill or with dental problems.

It is important to consider that maybe the parent or guardian is having troubles with drugs, alcohol, looks depress, have an irrational behavior, don´t care about child needs.

In all the cases is important to identify if the aggressor is lying and we can identify this with the face expression, with the sallow of saliva, the changes in the voice loud, and always when the kid tells you that he or she is being abused because the kids never lie.

The most of the times this signs are identified into the school, but is important to take care about this signs if you are a working parent and you leave your children with a nanny or guardian.

If you believe that one kid that you know is being abused because you recognize some of this behaviors please denounce the parents or guardian to protect the children life.

Source:
http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/sp_signs.cfm
http://rompeelmaltratodetuhijo.com/blog/como-ayudar-a-ninos-maltratados-detectando-las-mentiras-del-maltratador.html


By Claudia Fierro

How to identify if you are in a safety relationship

I´m going to start a series of recommendations about How to identify violent attitudes in different situations: in the relationship, with children, into the family and some others. I hope it will be useful for you and the people who are close to you. We are going to start with a test to identify violence in relationship.

It is very difficult to identify violence in a relationship because in all relations, there exist good and bad moments. But when your boyfriend is aggressive with you, it is the moment to ask for help.

But, how do you know that? Maybe it is going to be confusing at the beginning but you can look for signs that indicate the abuse. Abuse has a pattern, first starts tension in the relationship and then the abuse and then pardon.  During the "love phase", maybe the abuser is really regretful and asks for forgiveness, and it would be a very romantic moment and you can feel intimate again, but the aggressor is going to continue.

These are some questions to help you define if you are in a healthy relationship or not (Please answer true or false)

1. We decide our plans as a couple together (T o F)
2. I started to feel isolated from my old friends (T o F)
3. Very often my spouse criticizes me  (T o F)
4. If I want to go alone for an activity of the school or social in the afternoon he easily agrees (T o F)
5. I feel pressure to participate in sexual activities (T o F)
6. I always try to please my partner, and I feel responsible if something goes wrong (T o F)
7. My partner make fun of with malice and embarrasses me in front of others (T o F)
8. My partner hurts me physically but he regrets later (T o F)
9. My feelings and wishes are important to my spouse (T o F)
10. My partner is very jealous (T o F)

Results

You are in a healthy relationship if you answer true to questions 1,4,9 and false to 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 10. If you answer false in a true question or the opposite this is a sign of being in a disrespectful relationship. If you answer true to the questions 5 to 8 you are definitely an abuse victim.

If you are a victim please find the way to end the relationship, talk with your parents or confident friends, avoid being alone with your partner, plan how to react if he is aggressive with you. Abuse is a crime, so, call the police is you are in this kind of situation.

Remember, your life and integrity are valuable and you should defend this. Don´t be silly, your couple is going to try to convince you to get back but the situation is going to be the same. Be strong and fight for your rights.

Based on: http://www.ywcabham.org/DVRes/espanol/relacion.asp


By Claudia Fierro

How can I confront domestic violence?

A lot of situations, concepts or attitudes have been the basis for the avoidance or denial of domestic violence: some people see it as an inevitable or a normal situation, some others think that it is not a big problem and most people try to ignore the aggression.

First, it is important to remember that domestic violence is not only physical or sexual abuse. Probably the most difficult to identify, but the most common, is physiological aggression. Also it is important to distinguish between discipline and violence because some people use the discipline as an excuse to be aggressive and violent with children and other members of the family, like you.

Second, look for the signals, in physical or sexual abuse. Most of the times it is easy to identify violence, but you can identify the symptoms of physiological violence by answering these questions:

• Are your feelings ignored?
• Does your spouse ridicule what is most valuable for you? (Like your beliefs, abilities, age)
• Does your spouse or family ridicule or insult you for your language, social status, religion or race?
• Do you feel humiliate in public when you are with your spouse or relative?
• Does your spouse or family disapprove all that you do?
• Is it true that your spouse frequently says that he is going to leave you?
• Do you feel control at home all the time? (With the money or some other things)
• Is the voice of this person aggressive with you, the kids and the pets?

If your answer was “Yes” for two or more issues, you are a victim of physiological violence and this could be worst with the time because the aggressor is going to be more and more violent.

If you are not sure about the abuse you can talk with friends or relatives very close and confidence with you. If you decide to do this, you should be prepared to listen that you don’t want because the most of the time you have a strong link or dependence with your aggressor.

Try to encourage and believe in yourself to understand that you are a good person and you don´t deserve this treatment.

If you have economical dependence with your aggressor find a job and open a bank account to have savings in case that you need to leave your home. Also be prepared with phone numbers and a place to arrive. Friends and family can help you with this.

Remember yourself that you have the right to live free of abuse.

How do you know if you need help?

• You have doubts and believe that you are crazy.
• You have fear of your couple and you prefer not to have opinions.
• You take the time to review the mood of your couple before to talk.
• You need to ask your couple for spend money, take courses or go out with friends.
• You feel sad and don´t believe in your abilities.
• You discover a change in your kid’s behavior like bad results in school, aggressive reactions or nightmares.

If you discover that you need help, the first step is to accept that you are being abused and denounce the abuse to a protection organism, look for professional help like lawyers and physiologists for you and the other victims of the aggressor and finally be brave and leave the aggressor.

I hope this information will be useful for you and all the women around the world.

Based on:

How to face domestic violence: http://www.tuvozentuvida.com/2011/10/14/como-enfrentar-violencia-domestica/
The physiological abuse: http://www.todamujeresbella.com/1268/abuso-psicologico-emocional-a-la-mujer/
How to help a domestic abuse victim: http://www.ehow.com/how_4523539_help-victim-domestic-abuse.html

By Claudia Fierro

I love myself

Sometimes we feel like we have no value for each other or for ourselves, and this made us sad people who don´t believe in the good things in life.

If your are feeling like this, this piece could help you find your self-esteem, even if you are passing through difficult times.

What is the meaning of self-esteem?

Basically is when you love yourself, feel good and comfortable with the way you are, feel that you are the Captain of your life, enjoy the challenges of life, and you are prepared to face the life as it comes.

Why is it important to have a positive self-esteem?

• Because is easy to solve problems or personal issues.
• It helps to reaffirm your personality.
• Made you more creative.
• Give independence to you.
• Contributes to have easier relationships with others.
• You know how to make that “things happens” in your life.

When you have no self-esteem you don´t believe in you, you feel guilty, you have fear and don´t trust in people. And off course, you have a difficult life.

Some tips to have a good self-esteem

• Think about the situations with a calm mind, if you take some time to think, maybe the situation is not as negative as you saw it at the first thought.
• Don´t punish yourself when you have made a mistake, try to learn from the mistakes and avoid having it occur again.
• Look the positive side of the situations - even if they are negative face it with optimism and a positive mind. It will help you to take some decisions even if you don´t feel comfortable.
• Being positive could have a very good influence in our self-esteem and in life.

I challenge you to take the first steep in your change through building good self-esteem. Starting feeling how beautiful and valuable you are, and how important is to have a person like you in the world. Get your best dress and go for a walk to think of all the things that made you important, powerful, creative and good. Be positive and accept yourself as you are, even if you are not perfect or if you have defects, put all your energy in develop yourself, in learn what you want to learn and take control of your life.

Believe me that you are going to have a better life.

Based on:

What is self-esteem? -http://www.xtec.cat/~cciscart/annexos/queesautoestima.htm
How to learn to be positive - http://www.miautoestima.com/como-tener-autoestima-positiva


By Claudia Fierro