I´m going to start a series of recommendations about How to identify violent attitudes in different situations: in the relationship, with children, into the family and some others. I hope it will be useful for you and the people who are close to you. We are going to start with a test to identify violence in relationship.
It is very difficult to identify violence in a relationship because in all relations, there exist good and bad moments. But when your boyfriend is aggressive with you, it is the moment to ask for help.
But, how do you know that? Maybe it is going to be confusing at the beginning but you can look for signs that indicate the abuse. Abuse has a pattern, first starts tension in the relationship and then the abuse and then pardon. During the "love phase", maybe the abuser is really regretful and asks for forgiveness, and it would be a very romantic moment and you can feel intimate again, but the aggressor is going to continue.
These are some questions to help you define if you are in a healthy relationship or not (Please answer true or false)
- We decide our plans as a couple together (T o F)
- I started to feel isolated from my old friends (T o F)
- Very often my spouse criticizes me (T o F)
- If I want to go alone for an activity of the school or social in the afternoon he easily agrees (T o F)
- I feel pressure to participate in sexual activities (T o F)
- I always try to please my partner, and I feel responsible if something goes wrong (T o F)
- My partner make fun of with malice and embarrasses me in front of others (T o F)
- My partner hurts me physically but he regrets later (T o F)
- My feelings and wishes are important to my spouse (T o F)
- My partner is very jealous (T o F)
You are in a healthy relationship if you answer true to questions 1,4,9 and false to 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 10. If you answer false in a true question or the opposite this is a sign of being in a disrespectful relationship. If you answer true to the questions 5 to 8 you are definitely an abuse victim.
If you are a victim please find the way to end the relationship, talk with your parents or confident friends, avoid being alone with your partner, plan how to react if he is aggressive with you. Abuse is a crime, so, call the police is you are in this kind of situation.
Remember, your life and integrity are valuable and you should defend this. Don´t be silly, your couple is going to try to convince you to get back but the situation is going to be the same. Be strong and fight for your rights.
Based on: http://www.ywcabham.org/DVRes/espanol/relacion.asp
By Claudia Fierro