Been abused is more than being hit

November 25 was the International Day for the elimination of Violence Against Woman and precisely on that day I realized that you don't need to be hit or raped to be a victim, and I understand this because I heard a man yelling his little baby and I also heard the painful crying of this baby. I actually told my husband: "Poor baby, he didn't deserves this kind of mistreatment he is so tiny and defenseless".

The man was screaming, "be quiet" to the baby very loudly. They are my neighbors in the upper apartment and I could hear him from my place. Of course, the little baby was crying and crying for about two hours.

I actually don't know the situation of this family, and why this father is screaming to the baby, but what I know is that I can feel the pain of the baby for his constant crying. I also know that this is a mistreatment situation from the verbal fights of the couple.

Actually it is a bidirectional mistreatment because is a kind of war about who is screaming higher and who is hurting more. I don't understand how people can accept a life in these conditions, how people can't respect the couple and child and how people can be so offensive.

I don't want a life like this, that's the reason because I'm sharing my experience, this is an alert that every person should thing about. How am I expressing myself in front of my family? How I'm building a healthy relationship with my couple? How is the treatment that I give to my children? Am I acting in the right way or is something that I could fix?

I only wanted to leave this little reflection for every person who loves to have a wonderful family life and don't want to lose it.
By Claudia Fierro

Breeding Crisis on the Homefront

Where do problems that breed crisis in the home come from?

It is no secret that a dysfunctional home leads to a dysfunctional mind. And, a dysfunctional minds create dysfunctional societies.

Some problems come from our husbands, who may be sometimes uncaring, unappreciative, unfaithful, resentful, spend long nights and even days away from home without explanation or apology, fault-finding, spend thrifts outside but stingy at home, and the like.

Actually, there are many attitudes from our husbands which may create real problems for us and steal our joy if we do not know how to handle them.

That aside, there are problems from our children and grand children who we thought to be good but suddenly discover they are becoming rude, violent, disobedient, wayward, and the like.

You may not even be able to place some as they pretend to be good at home but have a bad record in the school or society.

Some have joined bad gangs; have become drug and alcohol addicts, chain smokers, and the like. Some others may be failing their exams and doing poorly academically.

It could also be health issues facing the children or husband and even you. It could be unemployment, inadequate finances, a hectic job, barrenness, still single at 40 years old and more.

To some women, their problem is their in-laws. They cannot stand each other, particularly people from their husband’s family. Its either your mother-in-law is a “witch” or your sister-in-law is a “devil” who wants to scatter your home.

Or maybe your little sister ended up with a very wicked husband who beats the hell out of her every day. The problems women face is endless.

All these and more can make a woman very miserable. Ironically, money, position or opportunities will not bring joy to your heart. The secret to overcoming all these is to get rid of wrong attitudes, approaches and reactions. The numberless problems that want to crush life out of us as married or single ladies have been handled wrongly by many of us.

When issues are handled wrongly, it makes the situation worse. Nagging in the home will only make your home unbearable. Keeping records of wrong doings only makes you a bitter person.

Calling your children names because of their short-comings will only make them rebellious and worse. Stop that “pity party” and seek advice from professionals on how to handle these problems.

Ask your mother or father for help. If you believe in God, go to Him in prayers. Talk to your religious leader. Go to counselling units. Get up and do something about the situation before it does something to you!

By Jummai Peter-Azeez