By Aastha Kapoor
Marriage has always been such an important affair in any individual’s life. There is so much commitment involved and huge is the amount of certainty needed about the person who is going to share his/her life with you. Surprisingly, the parameters of coming to a decisive conclusion about finding the right person be it an arranged marriage or a love marriage vary drastically across places and environments. For some, family reputation and a well-earning job is sufficient, for others similar caste sand class are of paramount importance. In my eyes, things are mildly different. These may or may not sound relevant in all cases but should not be overlooked either. Here are my essentials:
1. Someone whose love frees me- Marriage shouldn’t inhibit my individual growth as a person. There are things I do that are important to my identity as an individual and therefore I would seek freedom to aspire for more, to aim higher in my endeavours and reach for my goals-someone who does not presume that all compromises and adjustments will come from only my side and that only I will have to make amendments in my lifestyle in every way asked of. I might want to change certain aspects but out of my own willingness and as much as my own self approves of.
2. Who has time and patience to listen- No, he doesn’t have to agree to all I have got to say. Disagreements, debates and arguments are more than welcome. That said, there has to be an upper bench on the volume he is talking in and decency in his words. Physical abuse is not the only abuse in marriages to be avoided. Just because the scars of words aren’t visible doesn’t mean they don’t hurt. He may or may not have the same interests as me but if he takes a little interest in my interests and involvements- to hear my opinions and thoughts and who can appreciate and respect alike our differences-he would be a support system and I wouldn’t have to hold back my words in front of him.
3. Someone who doesn’t fear failure-Someone who doesn’t mind taking risks in life. As long as he is educated, has goals-personal or professional to achieve in life and is moving towards achieving them, he is a successful person and I can love him. He may be an artist or an engineer or an oceanographer-if he knows how to create things of value-no matter how hard the time is, we will sail through together any downmarket or loss of property unlike someone who was born with a silver spoon and is clueless on road without his ancestral business in a market crash.
4. Someone who finds peace and happiness in simple things- Someone with empathy for others in mind. Someone who prefers to dine with his family and willingly takes out time for them so then he values all relationships. Someone who understands the beauty of little things-one who I could enjoy a rickshaw or bus ride with and who I could stop by a roadside stall to enjoy a cup of tea with.
5. Someone who lets me be me- More than anything else- the person who I would love to spend my life with should be someone who celebrates my accomplishments, talents and my craziness alike. The one with whom to fit in a certain class of society and wearing, eating and talking in a certain way is not a precondition. The one who does not twist my soul in any way. Who lets me be me without any inhibitions. Who can trust and believe in me and not question my love or trust on him. Who makes me love myself admitting that only his love won’t be just enough for the both of us.
I just wish that every individual finds what he seeks in his counterpart. Of course there can be no rules or conditions that do not apply on both sides. Equality is fair. Equality is just.