By Aastha Kapoor
Marriage has always
been such an important affair in any individual’s life. There is so much
commitment involved and huge is the amount of certainty needed about the person
who is going to share his/her life with you. Surprisingly, the parameters of coming
to a decisive conclusion about finding the right person be it an arranged marriage
or a love marriage vary drastically across places and environments. For some,
family reputation and a well-earning job is sufficient, for others similar
caste sand class are of paramount importance. In my eyes, things are mildly
different. These may or may not sound relevant in all cases but should not be
overlooked either. Here are my essentials:
1.
Someone
whose love frees me- Marriage shouldn’t inhibit my
individual growth as a person. There are things I do that are important to my
identity as an individual and therefore I would seek freedom to aspire for
more, to aim higher in my endeavours and reach for my goals-someone who does
not presume that all compromises and adjustments will come from only my side
and that only I will have to make amendments in my lifestyle in every way asked
of. I might want to change certain aspects but out of my own willingness and as
much as my own self approves of.
2.
Who
has time and patience to listen- No, he doesn’t have
to agree to all I have got to say. Disagreements, debates and arguments are more
than welcome. That said, there has to be an upper bench on the volume he is
talking in and decency in his words. Physical abuse is not the only abuse in
marriages to be avoided. Just because the scars of words aren’t visible doesn’t
mean they don’t hurt. He may or may not have the same interests as me but if he
takes a little interest in my interests and involvements- to hear my opinions
and thoughts and who can appreciate and respect alike our differences-he would
be a support system and I wouldn’t have to hold back my words in front of him.
3.
Someone
who doesn’t fear failure-Someone who doesn’t mind taking
risks in life. As long as he is educated, has goals-personal or professional to
achieve in life and is moving towards achieving them, he is a successful person
and I can love him. He may be an artist or an engineer or an oceanographer-if
he knows how to create things of value-no matter how hard the time is, we will
sail through together any downmarket or loss of property unlike someone who was
born with a silver spoon and is clueless on road without his ancestral business
in a market crash.
4.
Someone
who finds peace and happiness in simple things-
Someone with empathy for others in mind. Someone who prefers to dine with his family
and willingly takes out time for them so then he values all relationships.
Someone who understands the beauty of little things-one who I could enjoy a
rickshaw or bus ride with and who I could stop by a roadside stall to enjoy a
cup of tea with.
5.
Someone
who lets me be me- More than anything else- the person
who I would love to spend my life with should be someone who celebrates my
accomplishments, talents and my craziness alike. The one with whom to fit in a
certain class of society and wearing, eating and talking in a certain way is
not a precondition. The one who does not twist my soul in any way. Who lets me
be me without any inhibitions. Who can trust and believe in me and not question
my love or trust on him. Who makes me love myself admitting that only his love
won’t be just enough for the both of us.
I
just wish that every individual finds what he seeks in his counterpart. Of
course there can be no rules or conditions that do not apply on both sides.
Equality is fair. Equality is just.
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