CELEBRATING THE OTHER WOMAN

Much has been written about the challenges women face in their bid to balance their reproductive, productive and community roles. Reproductive roles that society has ascribed to the woman is largely is used as a measure the true femininity, womanhood and motherliness in some instances. Child care, domestic chores are universal for working mothers and stay at home mothers alike and as my mother would say, it is ok for a woman to seek help in these areas.

Living in a foreign land with my family and balancing my roles as a mother, wife and manager has never been an easy task for me; each day comes with its fair share of challenges and of course learning points are taken up on a daily basis. With no sister, mother, best friend to rely on particularly when I travel extensively, two women have succeeded in supporting me through this stage in my life.

When I pack my bags to travel in country or elsewhere, my heart sinks and beats fast in alternations. The thought of leaving the boys behind brings tears to my eyes, comments such as ‘why don’t you travel with the kids’ or why are you taking the children through this, or family is much important than money that people chase’ breaks my heart into pieces. Occasionally, I am left wondering whether I am a good mother, feelings of guilt and self-doubt ring through my mind as I drive around the country or sitting at the airport awaiting a flight!!!!

In all this, God has been faithful to me. At the very point of my need he brought two wonderful women who have enabled me function at least 75% normally. As I work fending for my children, securing their future, growing professionally and investing, the ladies stay home to help look after my children. We may not share very many issues in common, we do not share a language, origin, but one thing for sure is that they step in wherever I cannot be around.

To me, they are family and that’s what guides our relationship on a day to day basis. They play with the boys, feed them, ensuring that homework is done, home is safe just to mention but a few. They are always taking care of my children, my life.

Not to sound unassuming and not mindful of my role as a mother and a wife, I recognize these ladies’ contribution in enabling me balance my tripartite role as a woman. We all have then or have at least encountered them in our lives in different names; nanny, auntie, maids name them. That notwithstanding, these ladies help us help ourselves in this journey called life. This other woman is worth celebrating  with a smile, kind words, a tip, salary increment, whichever we chose and can afford, let’s take time to raise our glasses to them.

Hellen Mala Owiti

SEXUAL RIGHTS AT THE WORKPLACE

Sexual rights as declared in the Universal Declaration of Sexual Rights (1999) are inherent human rights that cannot be relinquished; the right to  sexual freedom, the right to sexually associate freely and right to sexual equity are just but a few of the rights provided for under the declaration.

What happens when a woman decides to exercise these rights freely with a senior manager in the workplace? Most organisations have code of conducts that spell out issues around sexual exploitation in the work place, often times coming from the background that women are vulnerable to coercion into sexual relationships. Other organisations have policies on dating, marriage or personal relations amongst staff anticipating that couples would declare their status thus enabling management know how to handle them professionally and appropriately without discrimination.

Similarly there is another category of relationships usually between a senior and junior staff where those involved have not officially declared themselves as a couple and neither is it an exploitative relationship on the side of the woman. Given office politics, this is usually an open secret. Endless talk about a specific sexual relationship in the office, questioning the sexual character of the lady
involved and labelling her as loose is an eventuality.

Immediately there would be a concern on how to treat such as case or the lady involved from different quotas, particularly women; for the human resource manager or the protection focal points in the organisation, concern would be whether to treat the issue as harassment hence handle them appropriately? As a senior female manager in the organisation, would you do the rightful thing, be
a sisters’ keeper and approach the one involved to provide whatever support? As a moralist, would it be right to reprimand the lady involved for successfully tarnishing women’s reputation in general?

Bottom line is that women have the right to chose, but whatever choices we must and should live with the consequences.

By Hellen Mala Owiti

Child friendly travels? Woes of a travelling mother

When the holiday seasons set in especially Christmas, people world over gear themselves for travels in and outside the country to either join family and friends, set out for family vacations just to mention but a few. Those of us with young children however will realize that this is no easy task. As a Kenyan working in Liberia, I set off for a journey to Nairobi to join my family for the Christmas holiday accompanied by 2 sons (6years and 2 months old) as my husband was away on official duty.  Despite being a frequent traveller, It is only when one embarks on such long travels  by air with small children that you realize how child unfriendly airports are and how this heavily impacts on a mother as a care giver physically and emotionally.

To begin with, I realized that there is no check in counter for mothers with small children and therefore I had to queue up with my sons, the older one very playful and the youngest already hungry from our long drive to the airport. Those of us who come from countries in the global south know how ineffective and inappropriate our washrooms can be with no space for tending to a small child such as the change of diapers. So I have to crumble up in a corner and try changing the child lest I offend other passengers with the smell. Afterwards, I have to go through security check with the two children before getting to the boarding gate where my 6 year old is expected to remove his shoes, belt and any other metallic gadget; you understand what it means to dress up a 6 year old boy, lots of distraction.

Despite ordering for baby food and formulae milk during my booking, I realize whilst on the plane that the catering department did not load the aircraft with those that I requested for. Luckily enough I sneaked in some in my laptop bag which my baby can use halfway through the journey and I can only pray that he sleeps throughout the journey so that hunger pangs do not hit him much. Thankfully, the flight has some friendly bathrooms so changing my baby will not be a challenging task.

As I land in my home country, I realize that many other flights have landed especially from Europe as it is early morning and so we are at it again, long queues at the immigration and another 20 minutes waiting for luggage. There is no help for me as I try to load three huge bags, so my older son has to help with the baby, as I do it myself.  My older son will then have to push the baby in his pram as I push my trolley full of bags. Thank goodness, I spot my husband as we move out into the arrivals lobby.

Status quo in the transport system in Africa maybe maintained for a  long time to come, however, I have some tips that would be helpful for all women travelling all over the world. One, ask for help all the time, be it from the cabin crew, next seat passenger, police or guards at the airport, most of them, especially men are very empathetic and will help. Two, confirm your booking details with the airline for any special requests you requested , do it daily until a day prior to your travel, do not assume as you may be very surprised. Lastly, your older child, if travelling alone with the kids will be your partner throughout the journey so be a team player as well as a leader.

By Hellen Mala Owiti