BRING BACK OUR GIRLS

By Aastha Kapoor

It has been more than a month since those 276 schoolgirls were abducted from their schools and carried in a convoy truck by a group of militants in Nigeria. Around 50 of them have managed to escape and there is no news about the other 223 who are still missing. Sadly, the Nigerian government hasn’t been in action which has made an outside intervention inevitable. Social media has managed to gather a worldwide support for the cause of bringing those girls back home safely. The region they come from is a hotbed for the terrorist group ‘Boko Haram’ whose English translation is “Western education is a sin”. It is therefore not a daunting task to look for the real cause behind the abduction. Around 50 schools have been demolished in the country in recent months. It was here that these girls had resolved to get over their fears and pursue their education. Many of them were to become doctors and lawyers till the day arrived when they were kidnapped. It is feared that these girls would be put into sex trafficking.

Therefore, the problem roots from the cultural and social stigma associated with education which reveals how much work is yet to be done to dream of a happy and safe Nigeria. Only a well-informed and educated person has the tool to uproot the mismanaged system. While the US Secretary of State John Kerry has called Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan to act urgently on the large scale kidnapping and human trafficking incident, it is not the first time that an African country has come to news; there are many sectors like health, infrastructure, security, education and safety that need to be developed which in turn is impossible without worldwide solidarity and actionable plans.

Sadly, one single incident takes us miles behind our cause as it takes a lot of time to re-kindle and re-instate the same trust in people’s minds who have endured hardships to seek for a better change all these years. DeltaWomen itself works to rebuild that society. It is important though that the efforts don’t halt and that we don’t fail in our little endeavours to bring out a positive change. Even if it is signing a petition on change.org, every little effort is worth it. It is necessary to survive and win this war.

Malala Yousafzi won her fight, lets hope these schoolgirls win theirs too.

For more reading into it:

1.http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/04/opinion/sunday/kristof-bring-back-our-girls.html?smid=tw-share&_r=0

2. http://edition.cnn.com/2014/05/03/world/africa/nigeria-abducted-girls/

DON’T STAMP MY FOREHEAD!

By Aastha Kapoor

Watching another person rise in life or office becomes the talk of the town. But in case that successful person is a woman who is reaching heights, not everyone takes it in the right spirit. There are reasons and excuses- that she doesn’t deserve the success; maybe someone is doing favours or maybe she is sleeping with the boss-it could be anything but her abilities or her hard work or her painstaking efforts. In case, the girl has got a pretty face, there is no comeback at all- any pretty girl has to be dumb. Similarly a woman who chooses to continue her job after the birth of her new-born is labelled as a ‘bad mother’. A woman who smokes or drinks alcohol is looked down upon while it is somehow acceptable/okay when done by a man. Likewise a woman boss who is strict to get the work done is authoritative in nature but a man with similar behaviour is displaying leadership qualities. In all scenarios, the parameters of judging a man and a woman are mostly different. In brief, anything at all that doesn’t sync with the conventional methods is wrong and the blame 

game must start.

All the generalisation stamped on a woman’s forehead only speaks of how much work is yet to be done as a society to get rid of the inequality that exists between both the sexes. These stamp holding people are not even the orthodox ones who have had little exposure to the global network and modern outlook towards world. These notions are held by many doctors, engineers, accountants and consultants-in short by everyone who forms a part of our community. Isn’t it sad when a girl eating lunch with her guy friends is frowned upon and labelled as the ultra-modern-type. Unfortunately the “I don’t care” attitude towards such people is also not the solution. The crux of the issue is how quickly and easily does our mind form a negative opinion and insults a woman who is trying to live her life on her own terms and leading a free and independent life. This entire slut shaming and blaming, at some point must stop because it later forms the root of bigger issues. Rape in itself is more than just sexually overpowering a girl; many convicts claim to commit the crime to prove their superiority status over the so-called-weaker gender.  Until both the genders are seen as equals and the psychological mindset of the society is brought in order, there is no moving forward. Just as Albert Einstein rightfully said, “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

Source: www.pinterest.com/pin/193443746467106773/

How do Single mothers survive?

By Aastha Kapoor

Wonder why a lot of women suffering from domestic violence continue to stay in bad relationships? Wonder why they don’t move away for a life of peace and tranquillity? Because they are worried; sometimes about themselves but mostly about their kids. How will a single mother be able to bring up her children all by herself, who will fend for their needs and all those looks by the neighbouring aunt – how will she persuade them why she did what she did. And hence she decides to let the danger sword linger over her head for as long as forever till she has accepted her sufferings as her fate. The End of story. Poignant end. There are very few who think through and question themselves on what better upbringing are they being able to give to their kid when all he sees is his father slapping or hitting his at frivolous excuses-what impact does this violent imagery have on his psychology -What ideas of love, compassion or mutual understanding will he understand from his ethics class when he sees a completely different picture altogether at home.

 Before getting despondent, hear a little good news. The picture is not same everywhere. There are some neon colourful strokes on the otherwise plain painting. There are all sorts of examples from women who are trying to move atop their sorry state of affairs. Single mothers, some by choice like Sushmita Sen who never married but adopted two daughters , some who  divorced  their alcoholic husbands and others who  accidently lost their love-no matter what the circumstances, the one thread that binds all these women is that they have proved to be brave and faced all ordeals with courage. At some time they have been looked at by leering eyes with raised eyebrows and whispering taunts. Yet these are the same women who moved ahead and chose a life of dignity for themselves and their kids. Sandra Bullock, Kate Winslet and Denise Richards are the more popular examples; there are countless others who have found a way out. There is Lalita Booth whose love for her child took her from a state of homelessness to a double degree at Harvard University [1] and her story in her own words is a testimony that ordinary women can do ordinary things extraordinarily if they believe to set themselves free[2]. There are other women I have personally known who took up sewing or teaching or went back to education to survive in this world. These moms did not look for any excuses, they resolved to look ahead. Single moms are my heroes, my role models and no amount of respect and admiration can do full justice to them.

Their lives are nothing but lessons.

[1] http://www.tampabay.com/opinion/columns/once-a-homeless-quotwild-childquot-single-mother-lalita-booth-is-well-on/1019391

[2] http://www.lalitabooth.com/?q=node/76

Neglected Health and Osteoporosis

By Aastha Kapoor

Mothers keep running after their kids with food plate in a hand and a glass of milk in the other. After all, healthy diet is important for the well being and growth of the child. Wives are the ones who buy low cholesterol oil for food cooking so their husbands live long and healthy. The only ones women tend to ignore are themselves. They work and run and cook and clean but still there is no special intake of vitamins or calcium that their bodies require. Such neglect in later days is a cause of diseases such as Osteoporosis.

Osteoporosis refers to the weakening of bones that tremendously raises the chance of bone fractures. In most cases, it is the women post menopause who are at maximum risk to it. It is because post menopause, the BMD (bone mineral density) in women tends to decrease as estrogens levels drop. Deficiency of calcium and Vitamin D in body further aggravates the condition. More than often, the disease goes undiagnosed until late as there are no clear symptoms-just minor ones like loss of height due to curvature of spine that are mostly ignored. The most accurate medical test available to diagnose the disease is the DEXA (Dual Energy X-Ray absorptiometry). It is painless, takes only 10 minutes and is carried out on hip/spine.

One good news is that it is possible to prevent the disease if more attention is given to some parameters. Young women can right away begin taking measures to averse the risk. The steps are simple

·         Intake of well balanced diet that includes milk, eggs,  green vegetables like spinach to maintain appropriate levels of calcium and vitamins

·          Some form of physical exercise like walking, jogging or running

·         Smoking?? No way!

·         Moderate or no drinking

So, it is not really a difficult task to prevent the disease and weakness that comes with it-all that is needed is a little more attention to our own bodies. Only when we ourselves are healthy can we take care of those who matter so much to us, isn’t it?

Source: wellbeing.com.au

AN END TO SEX TRAFFICKING

By Aastha Kapoor

While I came across “Inside the brothels”- a report by  Nicholas Kristof  which complied  a set of 7 real stories on sex trafficking collected over two decades of his reporting[1], I was astounded by facts that can cause goose bumps to anyone. The horrendous number of women and child trafficking and their horrific experiences were astounding.

In prostitution, it is assumed that it is only by choice that those women are in brothels. However at most places girls at a very young age when they should be bruising their knees running across fields playing games are brought into brothels sometimes by their own mothers.  We fail to realise that most of the women into this field were coerced into it with little chance to escape, under the burden of family debt that was paid by the selling of their daughters. Also, these numbers have only been increasing with more and more girls in the age group of 11-15 and that is because customers pay more for virgins and they also have little risk of having AIDS. There is little action from the governments and police because in many countries, it is a part of the well established sex tourism industry. By the time they realise what they have got into, they fight only to be returned by beatings and thrashings from their pimps. With time, they lose that fight and accept it as a way of life. For those who can yet find some hope and are able to get out, they find little help in terms of rehabilitation into the mainstream society which ostracizes them completely. It is difficult to imagine the plight of women who are caught into these swirls.

Even if and when the police resorts to taking steps, the arrests made are of these same women who are a victim themselves and not the pimps who bring them into it, beat them, sell and buy them like soft toys sold at markets. The arrests made are not of the customers who pay for them and in return get a receipt. Kristof rightly compares it to the Slave culture when in 21^st century human beings can be bought and sold.

The trafficking problem is not limited to the Asian countries of Cambodia, India, Philippines and Africa but leads further to the most unexpected streets of Manhattan and Wall Street in United States. The only difference from where I can see it is that once reported, there is more probability of definite action being taken in the ultra-developed regions and the chances of reviving back into normalcy and continuing a normal lifestyle and education are more in West than in countries where till this date, even the judicial system hasn’t yet overcome the stigma of victim blaming and there are little resorts for women. It also points to the urgency of having an international network of governments that freely share information and take actions, as the problems of trafficking are no longer domestic issues  of nations but global in nature.

A dignified life is a human right. These little young girls deserve a chance to escape the dungeons and to be reunited with society who does not judge them from their past but gives them a chance to start again. There can be no end to all of it until there is some action and there can possibly be no action until there is more talking and sharing and awareness. The stories are all heartbreaking but there is due credit to give to some others- those few resilient ladies who have fought for themselves and continue to till this day, the number of organizations and NGOs who try to help, the journalists who report on these issues, the lawyers who represent these victims and the people who read, know, talk and share this information. The fight is still on.

For the entire reports and stories by Nicholas Kristof:

1.       http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/opinion/inside-the-brothels.html?smid=fb-nytimes&WT.z_sma=OP_ITB_20140305&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1388552400000&bicmet=1420088400000&_r=2

Yulia Tymoshenko-Leading Ukraine

A lot of countries are currently fighting a war within their own territories ranging from Middle East to South Asia. One such turmoil-hit place, in the last few months has been Ukraine. With the impeachment of their President Viktor Yanukovych and new announced elections, an important contender running for the President is a well known face in Ukraine-Yulia Tymoshenko. Other than her unique golden braid that she wears like a crown around her head, her entire life is an entity much talked about.

Born in 1960, an economist and engineer by profession, later turned out to be a successful business woman and made a huge fortune from her now defunct corporation United Energy Systems Ukraine(UESU) .It was in 1990 that she decided of entering politics.  She led the Orange Revolution in Kiev, Ukraine’s capital, which were a series of protests from November2004 to January 2005 against the Presidential elections believed to be rigged. It was in the same year that she was named to be the third most powerful woman in the world by Forbes. Since then, she has been actively involved in the country’s politics and leads the All Ukrainian Union “Fatherland”, the leading opposition party of Ukraine. Her party is in strong support of Ukraine integrating with the European Union rather than with the Customs Union with Russia, Kazakhstan and Belarus.

She has held the post of Prime Minister in her country twice before. Amidst the continuing protests and tensions she was announced a 7 year imprisonment in relation to cases of ‘abuse of power’ during her tenure and other corruption charges concerning a gas contract with Russia and now with Yanukovych ousted from power and her being released from her imprisonment after 2.5 years, has announced her candidature for the presidential elections. On the point of worldwide opinions about her stature, she has always had a whole lot of influential people from the Western community (US and EU included) vouching for her; reiterating the significance of justice and independent judicial   procedures in Ukraine. Among other supporters is Leonid Kuchma, second president of Ukraine in whose words “She is the only man in the Ukrainian politics”.

In the words of Eugenia, Yulia’s daughter who had been giving interviews all this time her mother was in imprisonment to keep the fight going ,” My mother had a lot of responsibility to bring change to Ukraine but she did not have sufficient instruments to bring it through and had to focus on problems with the economy." It is yet to be proved whether she is guilty of charges she faces or merely a victim of her situation; however it is impossible to deny and brush aside the powerful contribution and role that she has played in her country’s revival and struggles. Her willpower, energy and her fighting spirit are in huge ways inspirational to woman all across the world. President or no President-she still remains a Leader who holds the strength to influence and make considerable change in the state of politics of Ukraine a nation which is looking forward to a new beginning.

By Aastha Kapoor

References:

1.      “Eugenia Tymoshenko: the fight to save my mother Yulia”, Tim Bouquet, The Observer, Sep 23, 2014.

2.      “Is Tymoshenko guilty or a victim?”, Zu Hongenn, China Daily, Feb 25,2014.

SUCCESS STORIES OF WOMAN COOPERATIVES

By Aastha Kapoor

Let’s play a simple game and start naming all successful women entrepreneurs we know of. Indra Nooyi, Oprah Winfrey, Mary Kay, Olayemi Akinwumi.Done, are we? We are still not done because we also have to look beyond these wonderful ladies in formal attires working from urban offices. A search through the nearest village may lead you to some successful businesses solely run by women of whom we haven’t ever heard of. Their union is nothing but a cooperative. Women Cooperatives are basically voluntary organizations with a clear understanding of the responsibilities of its membership in cooperative development without any social, racial, political or religious discrimination and are based on the values of self-help, self-

responsibility, equality and solidarity.

What women gain out of it is more than mere financial aid; they also learn skill development related to their area of work, team work, managing deadlines, dealing with raw materials and outsourcing of products, expression of thoughts, negotiating terms and resolving intra-committee conflicts. These groups can be as small as 15-20 members and their members are also kept open in order to popularise them in every tiny 

village/town.

 Their success stories are also not restricted to a particular area, they are the same everywhere. From the Anand dairy cooperative in India to the Agricultural Growth Program-Agribusiness and Market Development (AGP-AMDe) in Ethiopia to the United Nations Development Program (UNDP) supported woman cooperatives in the war-struck Lebanon, there have been applaud able attempts from women who resolved to choose a way out of their trepidations by engaging with action. Another  point to be noticed is that in a lot of cases, women involved are those who have never been to school or have acquired only the minimal of education, yet they have managed to learn something new altogether within a framed time all this while managing their household tasks and responsibilities too . A clear picture of how women have the potential to make so much out of every little opportunity that comes their way makes me ponder how different would things in the present been had  all opportunities were available to all women from all places at all times. What a blissful world would that have been! Still, the progress is on.

It is imperative that these courageous ladies get their due appreciation; most of them will probably never read an online blog or know how all their efforts are source of inspiration to many others, support and encouragement in all possible forms should keep coming in the hope that  tomorrow is brighter for their daughters. Their efforts are all worth it!

Am I Beautiful?

By Aastha Kapoor

I ask this question too often from a lot of people including family and friends not because I need an answer but to get an idea of the concept of being beautiful as perceived by people around. Why? Because I wish to see some positive change in people’s perceptions from all the female activism around the world, from the emerging voices of women, from the ‘dark is beautiful’ advertisements and from many enthusiastic feminist 

bloggers writings.

There is a multitude of answers I get; my mom always replies with a yes, some close friends usually reply with “how does it matter?” while the answer I want to hear and is a treat to get from some people is “You and only you can answer that question” because irrespective of what others tell me the image I accept is the one I think I deserve. If donning the prettiest of dresses and your sharp nose, round eyes, rosy lips, long hair are my defining parameters, I will have to change my answer every other day because I know for a fact that I will never be young forever, my looks will change quickly before I know myself.. However the answer to this question shouldn’t change, right? So, how do you answer such question? It is pretty easy actually. You decide the attributes that define the word ‘Beautiful’ to you-how do you treat yourself, do you keep saying comforting things to yourself to keep you going through hard times, are you a self-motivated, happy and cheerful person, do you teach yourself new skills every day , the ones you want to be proficient at and do you feel comfortable in your own skin even when nobody is around? Do you dream big and try to work towards them to not just let them stay dreams, with all resources that you have got? Can you speak your mind and not be afraid of wrongful people. Also, do you occasionally buy yourself a chocolate? If you answer ‘yes’ to these questions, you are the most beautiful girl I know of. When you love yourself, you can also critic yourself honestly, understand your opinions and emotions better, improve and lead a meaningful life. Being beautiful is a process that is driven by your own mindset and each one of us have it within us to understand it and feel beautiful.

source:weheartit.com

WHO SHOULD BE GUILT-CONSCIOUS?

There are stories that must be told, all types of stories; happy, sad, painful, soul-shaking, especially if they are not mere stories but real life experiences. Maybe some people won’t understand but it is not about them, it is about you.

When does a child keep quiet? When he knows he has done something wrong and fears some punishment and if he is being wrongly framed look at how he fights to defend himself because he thinks only of right and wrong and not about societal mindset, he doesn’t fear being misunderstood. However we change as we grow up. When a girl is wronged, when a passerby misbehaves or passes lewd comments or when a family person attempts an assault, it is common to notice that such experiences are brushed aside like they never happened and absolutely never make it to dinner table conversations. In fact there are attempts to hide them like they are secrets to bury. A married woman will talk about her kid’s study burden but not about her mistreatment and physical abuse. The neighbours and family members who already know about it will also chose not to talk or intervene saying these are personal issues to be resolved.

Source: dsdstyle.blogspot.com

Leave the official reporting aside, we don’t even talk about it and even when we do, it is more about feeling sad or sorry for the other girl. What is it that prevents us from talking about such important things? Where does this fear come from? Who makes us believe as if it was our fault and they themselves are guilty and why exactly do we believe them. It is our fault if we do not talk and say and share and revolt when there is a need to. Solution? We have to work to create such an environment where talking about such problems doesn’t raise eyebrows and keep working until it becomes a norm in society. Such issues need to become a part of our daily conversations for better understanding to effectively engage with them. Why should I try to hide the fact that my husband is a drunkard and beats me up every evening. Why should I not confront it and say that 

I want things to change. Standing up for myself is the least I can do and that I must do.

So the reason why talking is all the more important is that it slowly takes away the hidden feeling of guilt; it takes away the fear of being misunderstood from mind; it makes us believe that we are fighting for a genuine reason and that our opinions matter and that somewhere all of us go through the same difficult times i.e. the pain unites us but doesn’t make us weak. Lets talk more and do all that is within our scope because we are not to be blamed; because  we are not guilty.

By Aastha Kapoor 

The Identity Crisis

The purpose of any individual’s life is probably to meet the two bridges called ‘potential’ and ‘present’. Every person strives to become better at something because he knows he is capable of making that difference. But what when you are made to believe that your sole purpose is to be a support system to someone else, that your potential lies in the well being of your husband and he is symbolic of your place in this society. What if you start believing that you are not somebody but somebody’s? It feels sad when an endless number of women who are fortunate to have the rightful resources to create their own destinies step 

back or in other words never step forward. The clear example of an opportunity missed!

There are so many women born in well to do families who are educated, smart, intelligent but the moment the time comes to explore and live their fairy like dreams they are slowly driven into the process of being a good caretaker and learning to live like a lady. So, what is wrong with that? The problem here is draped; it lies in the intentions behind the actions. It indirectly encourages patriarchy. These people often want good looking, well educated brides from a family holding status in society but some of them will never allow them to go out for a job or work on their own saying what is the need as if the only reason to work is to earn cash and the work in itself and a woman’s aspirations aren’t significant. That is the extent of how women suffer from the identity problem irrespective of the economic status she holds. 

The problem is huge not because so many potential action takers are deprived of making an independent life but because in many cases women themselves do not realize what is slowly being done to them until years later when a family member asks them not to speak in family decisions and matters because they don’t know enough and they do not bring anything on the table. That makes a woman vulnerable to living a life of fear and admission like a debater who has well laid arguments in his head but is never called on the stage because someone else is doing that job. It is important for every  woman to decide what her aims and objectives are, to realise her own dreams and admit that she holds an identity of her own no matter what strata of society 

does she come from. The way Charliotte Bronte (Jane Eyre) puts it :

 “I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” source:cartanat.com