Yesterday's hope, today's success - I had a dream

My experience as a young girl of what the term "work ethic" really meant began with a fib.

I was 14, growing up in southern California. My mother had divorced when I was 5, left to raise me and my two younger brothers. She didn’t have a formal education, so she had to work two full-time jobs as a waitress to make ends meet.

I can still remember those afternoons when she’d come home from her first job in a maroon dress and switch into the black and white cocktail outfit for her evening job. I’d watch her put on her makeup, we’d figure out what I’d prepare the boys for dinner, and then she was off, often until midnight.

Riding my navy blue Schwinn bike home from school one day, right down the middle of the street, I had this vision. With absolute clarity and certainty, I knew three things:

1. I never want to end up in my mother's precarious financial situation

2. I wanted to help others reach their own financial independence

3. I knew it was up to me to make these things happen

With that inspiration, I told the manager of the Don Carlos Motel in Dana Point that I was 15, so I could get a work permit to work as a maid. With necessities like phone bills going unpaid, I knew every extra dollar I earned would count.

Since then, I’ve started and sold successful companies, worked alongside some of America’s top leaders, written books, and achieved financial independence. When I look back at my life now, I feel extraordinarily fortunate. It took a lot of hard work and sacrifices.

But what if I was 14 years old today? Would I be able to accomplish the same things in this new, highly competitive world with so many global challenges? It seems hard work and sacrifice aren’t enough anymore. Are college students truly prepared for the world they will be facing over the next thirty years?

Today, you need to be extremely adaptable. To progress in your career, it’s not enough to know one thing well. As my friend Sean Harvey, product manager at Google put it when we were speaking to students, “Today, companies aren’t hiring for a specific position but rather people who are smart and flexible. The way you demonstrate that is by showing you can do multiple things well.”

Good mentoring matters more now than ever. When I was at UCLA, I was very fortunate to have one particular experienced professional take me under his wing and teach me entrepreneurship and business skills that otherwise would have taken years to develop. Some corporate mentoring programs exist, but are hard to come by for teens and young adults.

What's clear to me after advising hundreds of young people on their career paths is that colleges still have a long way to go to prepare graduates for all they will encounter in the real working world.

When I went to UCLA as an undergrad twenty years ago, annual tuition was $722. This year students will fork over $11,000 - but still a bargain compared with quadruple that expense at many top private schools. Now, graduates often wait years to get meaningful employment, dramatically lowering their lifetime earning power by tens of thousands of dollars and dashing any hopes of saving for the future.

My aunt and uncle gave me room and board for $100 a month to help keep my college debts down. But without a pension, could they have done the same for me today?

The lethal combination of unemployment—around 15 percent when you consider those who’ve stopped looking for work—and anemic wage growth means we are not only at greater financial risk, but we have to take more risks to succeed.

The picture isn't all doom and gloom, of course. The new Internet world of all-the-time connectedness means anyone with a hot idea or product or service can create a business out of virtually nothing. Success can be quick and big, at fractions of the cost of starting companies just a decade ago.

But that success demands more creativity, more “out of the box” thinking - the flexibility Sean Harvey preaches.

And it makes me think a lot about the future my three-year old daughter faces. How can I best prepare her for the world she will encounter twenty years from now? What will that world look like? What experiences do I need to allow her to face now to be ready for whatever comes her way in 2032 and beyond?

Whatever the future brings, I think the best message I'll give her is to believe in herself. Life won't get any easier, but the opportunities will come - as they always have - to those who work hard, adapt as they need to, and trust their abilities.

And maybe on our next trip to the west coast, I'lll show my daughter the spot where the Don Carlos Motel used to be.

Chidinma John-Opara

The Natural Medication called “Happy”

Almost everyone have heard the hit single 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' by Bobby McFerrin. The song has a very catchy way of conveying its message of being happy to everyone. Bobby Mcferiin's simple message surely made a lot of people by telling them not to worry.

Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being happy actually protects one from the stresses of life. Today, stress is considered to be linked to top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke.

One of the better things ever said is - 'The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change', and in our life we have the power to make the necessary changes if we want to. Even if we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that it too would change.

Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness.

People are different, accept people for who or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go of all kinds of resentments. If arguments seem unavoidable still try and make an effort to understand the situation and you might just get along with well with

Happiness is actually found in everyone, increasing it is a way to make a life more wonderful and also more healthy.

To be happy is relatively easy, just decide to be a happy person. Abraham Lincoln observed that most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook to be. The choice is simple really, choose to be happy.

There are several ways by which one can do this.

Being grateful is a great attitude.  

We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans your windows. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mails, thank the policeman for making your place safe and thank God for being alive.

News is stressful. Get less of it.

Some people just can't start their day without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do.

A religious connection is also recommended. Being part of a religious group with its singing, sacraments, chanting, prayers and meditations foster inner peace.

Manage your time.

Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be viewed  as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.

Laugh and laugh heartily everyday.  

Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As they also say -'Laughter is the best medicine'.

Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you.

They will most likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger of frustrations, this is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone.

Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction.

It gives a feeling of being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us, they give us a sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time.

Learning is a joyful exercise.

Try and learn something new everyday.  Learning also makes us expand and broaden our horizons. And could also give us more opportunities in the future.

Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for.

Feel alive. Avoid exposure to negative elements like loud noises, toxins and hazardous places.

These are the few simple things you can do everyday to be happy.

And always remember the quote from Abraham Lincoln, he says that, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Chidinma John-Opara

"What Really Makes You Tick?"

10 questions you should ask to yourself: a preparation to self-improvement

I often see myself as somewhat contented with my life the way things are, but of course it's hard to think of anything else when there are real issues to be discussed.

Still I aspire for something deeper and more meaningful.

So we're all pelted with problems. Honestly it shouldn't even bother or even hinder us to becoming all we ought to be. Aspirations as kids should continue to live within us, even though it would be short-lived or as long as we could hold on to the dream. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks… or can they?

1. What do I really want?

The question of the ages. So many things you want to do with your life and so little time to even go about during the day.

Find something that you are good at can help realize that small step towards improvement. Diligence is the key to know that it is worth it.

2. Should I really change?

Today's generation has taken another level of redefining 'self', or at least that's what the kids are saying. Having an army of teenage nieces and nephews has taught me that there are far worse things that they could have had than acne or maybe even promiscuity. So how does that fit into your lifestyle?

If history has taught us one thing, it's the life that we have gone through. Try to see if partying Seventies style wouldn't appeal to the younger generation, but dancing is part of partying. Watch them applaud after showing them how to really dance than break their bones in break-dancing.

3. What's the bright side in all of this?

With so much is happening around us there seem to be no room for even considering that light at the end of the tunnel. We can still see it as something positive without undergoing so much scrutiny. And if it's a train at the end of the tunnel, take it for a ride and see what makes the world go round!

4. Am I comfortable with what I'm doing?

There's always the easy way and the right way when it comes to deciding what goes with which shoes, or purse, shirt and whatnot. It doesn't take a genius to see yourself as someone unique, or else we'll all be equally the same in everything we do. Variety brings in very interesting and exciting questions to be experimented.

5. Have I done enough for myself?

Have you, or is there something more you want to do? Discontentment in every aspect can be dangerous in large doses, but in small amounts you'll be able to see and do stuff you could never imagine doing.

6. Am I happy at where I am today?

It's an unfair question so let it be an answer! You love being a good and loving mom or dad to your kids, then take it up a notch! Your kids will love you forever. The same goes with everyday life!

7. Am I appealing to the opposite sex?

So maybe I don't have an answer to that, but that doesn't mean I can't try it, though. Whether you shape-up, change the way you wear your clothes or hair, or even your attitude towards people, you should always remember it will always be for your own benefit.

8. How much could I have?

I suppose in this case there is no such things on having things too much or too little, but it's more on how badly you really need it. I'd like to have lots of money, no denying that, but the question is that how much are you willing to work for it?

9. What motivates me?

What motivates you? It's an answer you have to find out for yourself. There are so many things that can make everyone happy, but to choose one of the may be the hardest part. It's not like you can't have one serving of your favorite food in a buffet and that's it. Just try it piece by piece.

10. What Really Makes You Tick?

So? What really makes you tick? You can be just about anything you always wanted to be, but to realize that attaining something that may seem very difficult is already giving up before you even start that journey. Always remember, that self-improvement is not just about the physical or philosophical change you have to undergo, but it's something that

Contributed by Chidinma John-Opara

The Common Mystery

Ever taken time to wonder/ponder over the mystery of Creation?

How the constructive assembly of bones, joints, veins and arteries isn't enough.
How much blood has to be mixed with water and pumped by a heart to circulate; yet that isn't enough.
How the kidney, liver, bladder, cells, etc still do not make it enough.
A covering-skin was(is still) needed. Again, that doesn't make it enough.

ALL these complex visible parts really need and depend on a seemingly simple  element to function.
A scientist will refer to it as Oxygen(a name derived from the wisdom of God in mankind).  
We call it air (A name we chose for our convenience).
To the Christians, its the BREATH of God in you that makes the assembly of parts relevant.

However we all choose to look at it - from religious, scientific or cosmic standpoint; there’s only one word that makes all the understandings united. one word that summarizes the vast beliefs and one word upon which we all can conveniently agree.

In its absence, man becomes a decaying statue.
That's the Miracle you seek. Its right there staring in your face.
You're here, yet you recognise it not.
Every other miracle depends solely on this one.
Its the Mother of all miracles. Be Grateful for, Cherish and Appreciate it.

ITS CALLED LIFE. 

A chance to make yesterday right even when tomorrow is unknown/uncertain: An opportunity to make one sad person happy, to reach out to those losing grip of hope, a privilege to be a blessing to the world.

Live it, believe in it, look forward to it for in all, that's the Miracle you need and the key to unlocking others.:)  

By Chidinma John-Opara

I am Unique

Few days ago, I was asked to fill out a form for something  personal. One of the questions asked was "what would you define the term 'leadership as"

After giving it a thought for a while, Here's what I came up with.

“Leadership is the PRACTICAL ability to differentiate between Pride and Firmness, Cowardice. And Leniency

Service and Servant hood, Loyalty and Sentiment, Personal Interest and Duty, etc

Contrary to the belief of some schools of thought,

Leaders aren't born Leaders. Leaders are made.

That gives us all the chance to be leaders.

I'm a leader to my younger sibling who looks up to me, to my junior colleague who takes a cue from my experiences and to the growing young lady whose fashion sense is formed unconsciously by what she sees me wear”

While proof reading the contents of the form just to make sure it was devoid of error(s), I took a second look at my definition and decided to share with my friends.

Just as I was about to share on a blackberry broadcast, I decided to add a few more words that read thus:

“So here's to you, you, you and of course YOU!!

The next time you choose to be proud instead of being firm, Or put personal interest before duty.

Remember…., the actions or inaction of a leader helps form/decide that of the "followers"

This post came with even more accolades than some of my most inspiring articles. However, one stuck. Jon Pol (a friend of mine) responded by saying “you are a deep thinker”. Hmmmmm.........That was not the first time someone would say that to me but every time someone said it, I wondered if it was a blessing or a curse.

I’m sure you would wonder why.

I grew under a traditional Igbo/African cultural setting where it was believed that the female gender neither has the right to advanced education nor the right to think for herself.  She is expected to act as instructed by the male gender and ask no questions.

Here I was recieving accolades from the male folks from whom I should be receiving orders instead. Again it came like a flash thought.. Instead of occupying myself with the thought of getting married to the next available suitor ( that’s what a “NORMAL”/typical igbo woman will be bothered about after graduating from a university – which is often considered a privilege), I was busy thinking deep about the effects of leadership and how it affects the society and perhaps inspiring to be one *smiles*

Today I quit. I quit the negative thoughts.My skills are not a curse. Only the afraid and intimidated will consider it one. I am a blessing to my community, an inspiration to the younger ladies, A hope to the down cast, an oasis in the desert, and a beam of light to the darkness in the heart of the afraid.  

Jon Pol was right afteral. I am not just an African woman. I am one with unique potentials and intelligent quotient. 

I am smart, I’d rather think outside the box than remain in one. I dare to achieve more rather than settle for less. I defy the ways my culture has positioned me to think and act. I dare to be different. Indeed, I am Unique.

Chidinma John-Opara, 

The Woman - Her Secrets.

She's supposed to take care of her man, the kids and the home: 
She is expected to be strong at delivery and for her family in times of marital/relationship turbulence,misunderstanding or crisis:
She's supposed to be the intercessor,- always praying for him to succeed
She's supposed to support his dreams even when the purpose is not understood. She's supposed to always put up with his stubborn nature, temper and 'firmness'

She's supposed to be the miracle, gift, keeper and the neck.......

She should understand when 'mistakes' are repeatedly made and help put things back in shape, yet at the slight display of how human she can be, he shows her the door or uses it himself.

How often does he make his shoulder strong enough or available for her to lean on? when will he stop letting his negligence prevent him from seeing the GIRL in her or even treat her as one

When will he start seeking assistance instead of perfection?
When will he really take his time to to appreciate her,

How often does he remind her of how beautiful she is and how blessed he is to have her?
Women are just growing girls who love to be spoilt and loved irrespective of their age.
''Its risky'' some men would say; but show me a great accomplishment that never involved some form of risk and I will show you an 'unaccomplished' fellow.

You never worry of the risks involved in that investment: all you see is the possible gains. You want to build a mansion but you don't let the risk of possible earthquake stop you
You're working on a business idea but you don't let the thought of failure or loss stop you. You drive your car and take flights without worrying about accidents or crash.
In pursuit of happiness, the risk of heartbreak/disappointment is worth taking- even near-perfectionists like me have come to understand that.

Hence I dare ask...... Why hold back, if letting someone in has its risky rewards?
To the Men..........It therefore becomes pertinent for me to state that
"YOUR WOMAN WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN IF SHE KNOWS THAT SHE'S THE CENTRE OF YOUR WORLD"

Don't just ponder over this, ACT on it.

By Chidinma John-Opara

Inspired at First stare

I Woke up this morning - Not as early as an average young woman is expected to though - With the first stretch that was followed with a yawn reminding me of how fast I needed to get rid of the sour taste in my mouth, I headed for the bathroom, picked up my brush and was staring at the mirror- perhaps to know when my teeth were clean enough to stop ''torturing'' them with the routine. 

''You don't need a mirror to know when your teeth are clean, that's what your tongue and breath are there for'' I thought. Immediately, it hit me. spending too many seconds staring at a mirror -first thing after saying my prayers- every morning isn't really a good way to act myself into feeling. Neither does it stare up a productive day. 

My first stare every morning should be able to steer the zeal and brains of a ready ''fighter'' 
Rushing back into the room like one chased by a herd of angry cattle on a sallah day, I picked a sheet of A4 size paper and a pen with the goal of making my first stare worth while, here's what I came up with.

  *Your work is hard enough to get you there, your worries are wearing you out but his grace keeps your work profitable and your worries disputable @sight/thought* 
*You don't excel by procrastination, you excel by prompt action* 
*worrying is like solving an algebraic equation by chewing bubble gums* 
*I need not quit when I'm destined to win* 
*I cannot teach anybody to be great. I can only make them think* 
*Failure is caused by lack of intelligence but can be traced to unseriousness/inadequate effort 
*people who never take chances, never forge ahead. I might be a slow walker but I'm definitely not moving backward 
*knowing the good is doing what's good when the good ought not be done. 
Hmmmmm.... That was a sigh of relief. Now my first stares can entertain and 'ginger'(our lagos pidgin English word for "encourage") me to greatness. Borrow a leaf, think of a better way to remind yourself everyday of where you want to be and things you intend to achieve. 

Could be a tiny piece glued to the side of your personal computer, a sign on the door of your wardrobe, or even at the entrance of your house, that way you have a constant reminder.... First thing every morning and as you retire at the end of each day.  Its a secret that sticks!!!!

 

Chidinma John-Opara