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How do you identify if your son is the aggressor or bully in a bullying situation?

There are a lot of signals or behaviors to identify in a bully. But the most important of the lot is when you are starting to recognize this in your children, you should understand that you can modify this behavior with some help.

These are some examples to identify if your kid is acting as a bully:

1. He tries to dominate in a negative way all the people surrounding him (friends, brothers and sisters and another relatives).
2. He has troubles in communicating his desires.
3. He is aggressive, impulsive or intolerant.
4. He likes to have the control of situations and have power.
5. He doesn’t like to lose in games.
6. He is the most popular at the school and likes to generate envy to other kids.
7. He doesn’t have empathy for other people, and for that reason he doesn´t feel bad about the sufferance of the victim.
8. He arrives at home with new toys or elements and said that they were gifts.
9. He has bad results at school.
10. Be alert in the age that your kid is starting to use Internet, because this is a new kind of bulling based on social status, appearance and others. Review if your child has a fake account in Facebook or twitter.
11. Sometimes the teachers tell you that your son is trying to intimidate the other kids or having troubles at school.

To identify a bully, it is very important to have constant communication and pay attention to your kids, because most of the times bullies are lonely kids with bad communication with the family or bad treatment at home.  

How to help a bully

The most important is stopping the aggressive behavior by understanding the needs and motivations behind the behavior of the bully and have help from the school and in some cases from a specialist.

These are some steps to help:

• Talk with a Psychologist or another counselor at school to receive a guide to deal with this kind of kids and also prepare a profile of your kid that help you to identify the kind of aggressor and find the best way to help. Sometimes these cases require  Psychiatric help.
• Be careful with the treatment that you give to your kid at home, if you use verbal or physical aggression with him or her, is possible a cause to be a bully.
• All the time be effective and have physical contact (hugs and love demonstration) to make them feel love and important.
• Have a behavior rules list at home to avoid bad behavior and guide the kids for the best way without punishment.
• Be an example to your kids, if you are angry all the time, have bad verbal fights with your couple and say bad words, don´t expect good behavior from your kids.
• Teach kids how to face the problems in effective ways without aggression.
• Teach values at home and remember them that always exist a pacific way to solve conflicts.

I know this information will be very useful for you as a parent, don´t be scared to use it. Identify if you have a bully at home, think that helping your kid you are protecting him or her from a worst future and you are also protecting other kids.

By Claudia Fierro Lopez

Sources

¿Cómo identificar si tu hijo es el bully o intimidador?  (How to identify if your son is the aggressor or bully) http://www.terra.com.mx/mujer/articulo/1093112/Como+identificar+si+tu+hijo+es+el+bully+o+intimidador.htm

Perfil del niño bully (Profile of a bully child)
http://padresexpertos.com/blog/?p=2077

Niños Maltratados: futuros bully o agresores (A mistreat kid could be a future bully) http://padresexpertos.com/blog/?p=1609